This Is How It Feels | Mama Bird Doula

This is how it feels
Dread creeping up your throat
Tendrils weaving their way
Into your head
Rendering you immobile. 

Panicked, 
Yet you float
Unencumbered, above your body. 
As he rages. 
At the universe, you, 
Everything. 
Is that your heart beating? 
You cannot tell. 

This is how it feels
The silence of the condemned
As your transgressions pile up. 
You were anxious, 
Eager to please, 
Once. 

Until you realised
The reckoning was always coming. 
No matter how meekly
You kissed his cheek
and prayed for forgiveness. 

This is how it feels
Skin, untouched. 
Aching for the reciprocal tenderness
That you once glowed with. 
Angel girl
Basking in love. 

Then mouth grew stern
Face turned away from yours
And your pleading turned pitiful
Until altogether you
Stopped.