How is this super moon feeling for everybody?
It's the culmination of 18 years of energy. What were you doing 18 years ago?
Without even realising I have been listening to songs that were popular when I was ten years old. I’ve been wistful, daydreaming, despondent.
I had a long conversation with a friend today about what it means to suffer, to grow, to be brave enough to let go of pain. Yes, brave. It seems odd to say it that way because nobody wants to suffer, we actively go out of our way to avoid suffering. But I also feel keenly how pain and fear can shape your life and cause you to become somebody you don't want to be.
Your pain and fear can keep you living small, and not achieving your biggest goals and dreams. I have worn many badges over the past eighteen years - many relate to victimhood. I have been proud of them in a way. But they are not me, they no longer serve me. I want to know when our pain becomes irrelevant, when the things that hurt us shape us less than the positive steps that we have taken and the changes that we have made to the world.
I have been on a path of remembering who I was before the things that hurt me.
I am somebody with an open and loving heart who has only ever wanted connection and reciprocation.
I am in awe and wonder at what it means to be a woman and a lifegiver.
I believe we are sacred.
I believe in love.
I believe I am unchanged from the little girl with the big eyes.
The woman who birthed her baby with faith alone.
The woman who knew there was something better.
As my friend said - “did you birth using fear or trust? Trust is who you really are.”
I believe that the biggest gift I bring to my doula role is my deep sense of trust. I will never be the doula who has all the numbers or figures although I put the work in to know them. Or one who suggests many different things you can do to, seeing your body as a problem to be solved. If you want somebody to analyse or fix, I am not what you are looking for.
What I will do is stand by you in the most fundamental trust and faith as your story unfolds, a gentle smile on my face, an "all will be well" that emanates from my soul and is palpable.
And so I wake this morning with my head foggy but my heart happy.